Friday, September 26, 2014

Not bloody likely....

At the website Survive the Coming Collapse, there’s a recent article titled “Five Types Of Looters You Must Prepare For“.  Read it if you’d like, but with a grain of salt; some of its points merit rebuttal and reflection. 

Here’s something I don’t quite get: 

“When the lights went out, security at the prison was compromised. Most of the jail guards left for home at first sign of trouble. Now, the tables are turned and Toni and several other inmates have escaped. Toni and his group are on foot, but that doesn’t present a problem because their rural location offers plenty of opportunities. The farmers in the area have fruits and vegetables ripe for the picking. Several in the vicinity raise horses. Now that he and the other inmates broke out of prison, Toni considers himself lucky; the problem of food and transportation is solved…once he and the five other inmates have overtaken the family they’ve targeted.”

Hmmm…let’s see:  Toni and the other inmates he’s with all know how to saddle and ride horses, collapse conveniently has chosen harvest time to occur, and ‘Toni’ (which is the spelling for the girl’s version of the name…?) and his fellow inmates all trust each other in this grand scheme enough that they can carry out a coordinated home invasion.  And they’ve somehow figured out which family has the resources they need, in an area they don’t know, and intend to relieve the farmer (who probably is armed and well aware of the proximity of the prison and the consequences in situations like this) of his goods.  Oh, and the prison had no backup generator, no plan for emergencies like this, and prison guards are all dolts who bolt when the lights flicker.

Not bloody likely. 

Now, as for the ‘tactically trained’ person.  Obviously, his tactical training didn’t take into account that when you get a gallon of gas for your chain saw, that is at least two tanks’ full and you can go through several trees that have fallen or that you want to cut down for whatever reason, and having gas for your chainsaw doesn’t mean you had the foresight to stock up on canned leeks and peaches as well.  No, it means you like to cut down trees.  Or think you need to cut down trees, or cut trees that fell on something like your main egress from your property, or smashed up your house.  As for using an ax as a quieter alternative to a chain saw, when there’s not a lot of noise, the sound of an ax being used resonates through the woods, as does the noise a tree makes when it falls.  Was this article written by a city kid, or what?  And the ‘tactically trained’ person has no idea about burning wood, either; if you burn wood, you tend to burn seasoned wood, not green, freshly cut wood, as it doesn’t burn nearly as well as the stuff that’s been sitting in your wood pile for months waiting for burn season so you can light a fire in the wood stove.  And as for more supplies being available in outlying areas, well…seriously, if you have an established suburban neighborhood full of houses, and compare it to a rural area with large lots of one house per five or more acres, where is the resource density to be found?   Hint:  not out in the tule bushes.  Lights in a house?  Seriously?  Lights???  C’mon, candles make light.  Candles don’t mean huge food stocks available for the taking.  Mr. Tactical Training doesn’t sound either, IMNSHO, and he’d be easy to slough off when you show him that you’re burning Christmas candles in February; he’s not as smart as he sounds. 

Here’s the description of how to make blackout curtains: 

Now is a good time to fit your windows with black-out curtains. Even using a piece of material that’s secured—possibly with duct tape, so light doesn’t escape and alert people outside, will do. “

Actually, fabric stores sell blackout fabric, and if you need that much some stores sell it by the bolt.  Check around.  A ‘piece of fabric’ you have lying around the house will not do; get the stuff specifically made for the project if you want to do it right.  A piece of sheeting isn’t.

The author took pains to point out that she took the opportunity to ‘school’ a Home Depot employee about all the flour and other baking goods when she bought some more buckets for food storage, but displayed a definite lack of imagination on the subject.  All she had to say (if she’s in a state that has a cottage food baking law) that she has a home baking business and is restocking.  If her state doesn’t have said law, there’s always stocking up for one’s personal Christmas baking (going all out this year and entering gingerbread contests locally) or ‘I’m buying for several households; I’ve got the biggest car and the other folks all have little kids and a hard time getting out’ or ‘if there’s one thing I really hate it’s running out’ or ‘we’re decorating the yard for Hallowe’en’ if you’re buying TP.  Or, ‘I have a high cholesterol problem and my husband loves oatmeal for breakfast’ if you’re buying a lot of oatmeal.  The creative and true-sounding lie is better than ‘schooling’ someone to prep, especially if, as the author recommends, you are at a distance from your home and paying cash, which is a hella good way to draw attention to yourself, cash plus a bunch of buckets.  After all, license plates aren’t that hard to memorize…

The suggestions for protecting yourself from the ‘looters’ described consist of ‘get a gun and a dog and eat cold food while the looting’s going on.  And don’t let anybody know you have any candles, because candles make light.  And don’t use your chainsaw, use an ax.  And have a backup plan for pooping and wiping.’ 

Somehow, I don’t think this article was quite as well-thought-out as the author thought it was.